In the Shadows
by MBP
Summary: Just postRosslyn... how did Toby, Sam and C.J. get to the hospital, and how was everyone reacting to the news about Josh behind the scenes? Starts with Toby's discovery...
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own West Wing. Sadly.

Toby stood there. Staring. This couldn't be happening. This. Could. Not. Be. Happening.

"I need…" he started to yell but lost the air in his lungs and had to start again. "We need a doctor over here!"

He was suddenly aware that Josh was falling. Without a second thought, he bent and reached for him, just catching him as he almost hit the ground, just looking up in time to see the realization dawning in the faces of Sam and C.J. who had heard him call for help.

They had expressions he'd hoped he'd never have to see on their faces. The paramedics rushed over before either of them could say anything, and Toby gratefully surrendered Josh to their capable hands, but the three of them followed the stretcher to the ambulance.

"We need to come with you," Toby finally said to one of them when he realized that his friends were still speechless. Well, somewhat speechless. C.J. kept mumbling about someone knocking her down, and Sam kept making strange sounds that Toby knew were attempts to not cry. He just hoped he'd be successful. That was not something he could handle right now.

"Two of you will need to follow us in one of your own cars," one of the EMT's said to Toby. "One of you can come with us."

There was no question that Toby would be the one to go in the ambulance. He was the only one of the three of them semi-keeping it together, and the last thing Josh needed to be subjected to now was either C.J. or Sam's borderline hysterical panic. Toby needed to go in the ambulance. He also needed that time away from C.J. and Sam so he could try to regain some of his own composure.

Neither C.J. nor Sam argued. As Toby jumped into the ambulance, they rushed over to one of the Secret Service agents. C.J. looked to Sam, waiting for him to explain the situation, but then she saw his face. She knew he couldn't have said another word to another person at that moment, so she requested the ride to the hospital herself. Once she had explained that Josh had been the one who was hit, they jumped into the car and were whisked away.

Once they were following the ambulance, C.J. settled back into the car and let out the first deep breath she'd allowed herself in hours. She closed her eyes and rubbed her neck unconsciously. Opening her eyes again, she turned to Sam and was about to ask him if he'd noticed her necklace when the words froze in her throat.

Sam was leaning his head against the cushion, and his eyes were closed, but tears were slipping down his face. He wasn't making a sound, and C.J. glanced up to see if the partition were up to separate them from the driver. It wasn't, so she pressed the button to raise it. Once they were cocooned in silence, she reached out to touch his arm.

"Sam?" she asked hoarsely, and he finally opened his eyes. The first thing he checked was the partition. Then he looked at C.J. His lower lip started to quiver uncontrollably.

"He's the reason I'm here," he choked out. "He came and got me."

"I know," C.J. said softly, her own eyes filling with tears. "But we're taking him to GW. He's going to be ok."

Sam shook his head and closed his eyes again. "He doesn't have to be, C.J."


	2. Chapter 2

By the time they arrived at the hospital, Sam had calmed down enough to rub his face free of tears and look just as harried as he normally did. He and C.J. raced after the stretcher and Toby, and Sam called out, "I'm here, Josh."

They were still following Josh when they realized that they wouldn't be allowed into the operating room, so they stopped short, standing and staring aimlessly until one of the hospital staff took pity on them and directed them to the private room they'd been given for their own use.

Slumped in chairs, they were silent and miserable until Abby came in.

"The president's going to be fine," she announced, and everyone started to breathe again. She wouldn't lie, and they all knew it. But then she said the words they'd all been dreading.

"Let me tell you about Josh…"

While she explained medical terminology that did nothing other than scare the living daylights out of them, Sam tried to block out her words, but some of them were still getting through… collapsed lung… 14 hours of surgery… critical condition… He stared straight ahead, willing himself not to cry, willing himself not to look at anyone either. And then Donna walked in.

She didn't know. She didn't know that Josh had even been hurt, and Sam couldn't bring himself to tell her. He couldn't even bring himself to look at her. If anyone could get him to feel right now, it was Donna, and he didn't think he was up for the job. So he listened as Toby finally broke the news and Donna unsurprisingly broke down. But he didn't turn around. And she did it quietly, and she waited until she was sitting in the seat next to him to do it at all.

It was her proximity that did it. Her proximity and her tears. He didn't know how much longer he'd be able to hold out, and he was praying that Toby and C.J. would quickly find some other place they needed to be because he wasn't about to go out into the rest of the hospital and face anyone else right then. Luckily, Leo needed their attention, and they both went with him. They sent fleeting glances in his direction as they went, but they left without a word.

And then, somehow, it was just Sam and Donna. Abby had gone to see the president, and no one else had had the time yet to show up. They sat side by side, silently, and then Donna covered her face with her hands. Her shoulders shook with sobs, and it wasn't long before they were audible. And that's what finally broke Sam.

It took a few minutes for Donna to realize that the hitching sobs she was hearing were no longer just her own. She slowly moved her hands away from her own face and turned to look at the seat beside her. Sam was hunched over, his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands, and she knew that it had taken him all of his strength to wait even this long to give into his own fear and anguish. She knew that no matter how much she might care about Josh, Sam had known him longer. She knew that in spite of their occasional disagreements, they really were brothers. She knew that Sam would take it this badly. And she also knew that he wouldn't have wanted _anyone_ to see him like this if he could help it. Well, anyone except for her.

Tentatively, she reached out and put her hand on his shoulder. After a moment, he turned to her. His eyes were puffy and red, and his lips were twisted in a grimace as he tried to stop crying. But as more tears filled his eyes, he shook his head.

"I can't," he whispered, and Donna, forgetting her own pain, reached for him. He fell into her, burying his face in her long hair, and hugged her. She rubbed his back in small circles as his tears seeped into her shoulder. They were still sitting like that when Mrs. Landingham walked in.

Sam didn't hear her at first. He only realized someone else was in the room when the door closed behind her. Then he jumped up and rushed out without even stopping to see who it was. No one else would see him cry.

Mrs. Landigham sat down beside Donna and took her hand sympathetically.

"How's Josh?" she asked, and Donna's lips quivered, but she managed to keep her voice steady as she repeated everything the First Lady had told her. Mrs. Landingham nodded, her lips pursed. She sat silently for a moment and then said quietly, "Sam's going to need you, you know."

Donna nodded. She knew.


	3. Chapter 3

The hours felt like days. Donna and Sam had been making the circuit together from the window where they could actually see Josh's surgery and then back to the private room. When they returned the second time, they saw a table set up with bottles of water and boxes of tissues. As Donna paced by the box of water bottles for the third time in as many minutes, she grabbed one for herself. Glancing up at Sam, she grabbed one for him as well and handed it to him as she passed his seat. What she didn't grab was tissues.

After their initial breakdown when they'd been alone in the room, they'd both made every effort not to do that again. It was hard to hold back tears when they were standing in front of the window, watching Josh on the table, but Sam was making every effort to be strong for Donna, knowing full well that she was doing the same for him.

They were debating going back to the White House when they were told that they could be kept updated by telephone and pager, but then they looked at each other and both realized the truth. Not being there would be unbearable. By silent agreement, they both decided to stay at least a little longer. C.J., Toby and Leo had already gone back to their offices in the West Wing, and so had Mrs. Landingham. The only people left were Charlie, who'd already been to the residence and come back, and Zoe, who was sitting with Charlie, silently holding his hand. They didn't look to be having any easier of a night than Sam or Donna were.

It was when Zoe was summoned by her mother to go with her to see the President that Donna and Sam had a chance to talk to Charlie… even though from the look on his face, it was clear that he didn't have very much to say.

Donna took the initiative since Sam was still having a hard time formulating words… the irony of which was not lost on him.

"Charlie?" she asked tentatively as the door swung shut behind Zoe.

He glanced up at Donna from where he'd been staring at the worn knee of the jeans he'd changed into, and he forced a smile. The level of force, however, was clear, and she got up from her seat and went to sit beside him.

"How are you doing?" she asked softly, and without even turning her head, she knew Sam was leaving the room to go check on Josh ... and to give Charlie a chance to talk. If anyone understood the need for Donna's sympathy at a time like this, it was Sam. Once he was gone, Charlie spoke, and as soon as she heard him she knew why he'd waited. All of the tears that she hadn't seen him shed were in his voice, and the moment he said her name, his voice broke, and his hard-won composure went with it.

"Donna, I don't want Zoe to see me like this," he whispered, his voice trembling, and he continued staring at his jeans. "But… this is my fault. Mr. Butterfield told me. They weren't out to shoot the President. He just… got in the way. They were going for me."

Her eyes widened, but she forced herself not to gasp so as not to hurt him even more.

"They're sure?" she asked softly, but it wasn't a question, and he nodded. He still hadn't looked back up at her, but she saw the tear plop onto his knee, and she put her hand hesitantly on his shoulder. It began to shake under her hand, and she squeezed tightly, just sitting there, waiting for him to calm down and willing her own eyes to remain dry. It had never been harder.

They were still sitting like that when Sam came back, and Charlie brushed his hand quickly across his eyes and cleared his throat. Donna still hadn't said anything else to him, and he finally looked at her. His eyes were red, but the look he gave her was full of appreciation, and she smiled at him, trying to convey without words just how much she cared. She and Charlie had never been particularly close, but she was glad she'd been there when he needed someone. She just hoped he wasn't going to shut Zoe out…


End file.
